Numb

At times the music stops. With pain, grief,sadness. Joy. You don't learn to cherish your gift till it is too late and all chance of good deeds is beyond hope or despair. We talk in deep terms, write even deeper, think like the pits.

I have 2 months of no work stretching before me. No work as in no TV work. Writing is a process which will continue. And hopefully I will learn to cherish, appreciate and enjoy what comes to me naturally, even though I haven't written in a long long long time. And words are becoming harder to place everyday. It's like a vague memory. What I know, but is buried deep and I have to clear the cobwebs to get it out.

I've always been proud of my writing. I knew I could write and write well. But then I realise, so can most people. All you need is enough emotions, enough feelings. What then is the secret of great writers? That they write. At all times. No slacking.

I find myself changing my stance, all the things I believed in. No longer holding true. Constants shifting everyday. And you all the while falling, like one of those bad dreams where you wake up with a jerk and sweat. I'm falling and I have to catch myself, or wake up. Hence my writing isn't what it used to be. Isn't at par.

Funny how in times of intense pain, or ups and downs, what suffers most is your outlet. I wouldn't say talent. But you ability to break things down and make them easier. That ability numbs down.

It's a grown up thing. You learn to lean on yourself and depend only on you.