strength and weekends

This is one of those random posts where my words will range from sad to happy and back to sad to happy..with all the shakiness of a thermometer.

One of my words today is strength - the strength to do what needs to be done and stick by it and the strength to live and be happy each day..without succumbing to weakness. Morbid, I know but it's true

I realise I am a very silly person in a lot of ways...and I am especially silly when it comes to not shwing my silliness..some perversity of mind and soul makes me not want to take an effort..simply becoz the ego says - I am what I am and u need to accept me that way.

I am tired I guess, of bowing down (again this is my perspective and highly self pity oriented) of being there and of just being..passive i guess...for all my sharp tongue and even sharper ways..I am pretty regressive wen it comes to me and my decisions. Need to change that..no more negative publicity allowed.

But on the other hand, i also hate feeling dependent on anyone..simply coz it doesnt work..coz sooner or later ppl wont do as U expect them to do..hence the best person to depend on is yourself. U need to work hard, excel and do what is to be done day after day, dream and suceed..but in the end only you know ur mind..hence depend only on yourself...that way wen you let yourself down. u have no one to blame except yourself and you are your only support.

Obligations make me feel like noose is choking me ..self sufficiency is my name or im trying to make it my name...and now i am tired..terribly so..but happy coz this weekend has been one of the most fruitful so far, except for the times wen i thot i wish i had no brains, no mind, no heart...or actually just a minimal of all 3 - so that i cud be qualified as a dumb blonde..

I met up with my old classmates and it was funny and nice to see how we'd all grown up..inspite of it being only 1 year since graduation...nice to catch up with lagna on family and all our issues...and how families and their decisions shape us..shape who we are..but at the end of the day the choice is yours...after a point i feel one must stop blaming family, and upbringing for one's shortcoming..

Meeting harsha, mrinal, riti and aanchal felt so good,so right.. and then i realisd that i need strength above all..to be strong enough to conquer myself and my weaknesses