This time around...moving on

So people aren't supposed to remind you that you have to write...It's a thing which comes from within....But lately it's been more of the writing with a pen...on an actual piece of paper in an actual book...than on html...with edits.

Sometimes silence works...and not in the "says a lot" space but more in the I know you're there and you know i'm there..and we're both enjoying the quiet without wanting to speak about anything....It's been a rare thing for me to be this quiet...I can fill silence with words at 32x speed and even if i wanted to be quiet...then i daren't...with the thought that it's not me...I can't be this quiet..I need to fill in space...But I realised I can be quiet...(which i am secretly...when I'm

near the sea..or at a resort...I escape out and go for walks with my hands in the pockets of my jacket...thinking and talking to myself...or just enjoying the quiet..) But the fact that i could be that secret person upfront is a new discovery...like a good weird wala feeling....

I find myself getting more and more annoyed at my parents these days..and everytime i do that i have a sneaky thought which creeps its way in saying "your kids will do the same to you...karma is a bitch"..and I know i'm wrong..if i can be understanding and sorted with friends then why not with parents...truth is sitting at home for 2 months and being home bound makes them feel like im in school again and makes me feel caged...so i flutter around hopelessly and helplessly...every little thing needs to be crosschecked, asked permission about..which is

cross questioned and picked apart so many times that by the end of it you have a headache and you wonder why did you ask for it in the first place...and by the time you leave the house you don't want to enter it till everyone's asleep so the questions don't resound...My fault..since i have no patience with questions...the third question usually makes me lose my temper and start shouting or raising my voice or snapping...selfish when i can take shit from other ppl...so yeah...that needs improvement.

I've been getting this tight feeling in my chest and neck for the past couple of days....like i'm going to cry but the tears won't come...like the last bit of morsel stuck in your mouth...before it goes forever and though i do not know the reason behind this ..

I know it has to come out...

The best part is me...I can feel the madness coming back..and along with it the spasticness...with more spice, more spine and more sass thrown in...I no longer remember 5 years ago...I no longer feel the same...and when i think it no longer brings me pain..that little tight squeeze around your heart everytime you see the person or speak his name...or talk about him..I don't even remember what caused me the pain...the words, the things, the events...they're washing off..finally. gradually and it's been this way

since a good 3-4 months now...like bits you which were washed away are finding their way back to the shore...and all that is left for me is to piece it back together...so fine that the cracks don't even show..and in time..they too will fade away..

For what is the biggest achievement, than to forget and move on...not because you have to..but because you can..and you want to..for you