Jaundice Tales

I've come to the conclusion that my jaundice has been caused due to my neighbour's yellow wallpaint...He has painted his house mustard yellow...and in the night it looks like the color of my puke..because I've been puking a lot lately...jaundice doesn't let you eat and what you eat is puked out because your liver is too fragile to digest it..

My mom is convinced that the reason why I've got jaundice is because of my trip to Goa in June where I had consumed a chock full of sea water and innumerable mint mojitos (she doesn't know about the mojitos..only the sea water) and she thinks its an effect of the same..dormant for so long which has come about...But moving back to my neighbour who has a penchant for weird colors..his kitchen is painted lavender and the living room yellow...I can imagine the passage to be painted pista green...I can't see that from my house..But I can imagine. I wonder what he feels when he is ill or tired and he wants to rest and sees the walls painted yellow...I would have died...due to color shock

And the worse is that before this he had a neon purple as his color and just as I was getting used to looking it at peripherally...when he got it painted yellow..right in the middle of my jaundice...His father had a poster of madhubala stuck behind the door...so that people from the opposite windows (meaning us) could view her picture...and his mother and my mom communicate via windows - school marks, whose kid is brighter, who got married in our building and in theirs, who ran away with whom...

So we have a relation of sorts....But my jaundice isn't getting any better with the mustard color in front of me....

People do what they want to...and while I agree that age is supposed to bring you wisdom and also strength..I wonder if in the case of men, age also makes you more cruel and valueless...I like to give people the benefit of doubt...But these days I find myself blurring the lines between the past and the present and everything reminds me too much of what has already gone...what I have tried so hard to rebuild....It's wrong to lead, to expect and to be when you know you have been in that place yourself already...and it takes ages to rebuild yourself..piece by careful piece...being stripped naked of all that you have...all that you trusted...simply because it just didn't happen...Life doesn't come with guarantees...I'd say boundaries...to keep out people and keep me in check...from being too gullible, too vulnerable...Kindness with mercy, justice with compassion..even when you know it's you on the line...because that's the price you pay for being responsible, for knowing, for having a conscience...

But you still crave for it...It's a weakness to be overcome...to be nipped in the bud...for what you do comes back to you a hundred times over...

Kaun kehta hain ki zindagi khali hain

Har ek ke paas koi na koi hain

Hasane wala, rulane wala, phasane wala, fuslane wala

Toh kya tum jeena hi chod do...Kyunki zindagi tumhe wo na de

Jo tum chahte ho, wo sampurn tohfa

Jiski tumhe chahat ho..Toh kya tum apna muh pher do

Intezar karo jab tak zindagi thak kar, chali jaye?

Ya phir tum wo tohfa le lo...yeh jaankar ki bhi tum usse sambhal nahi paooge?

Agar zindagi tumhe uda le jaana chahe...toh kya tum uski udaan rok paoge?

Kya wo udaan rok paooge...Agar ha toh phir apne dil ko kaise samjhaoge?

Damnation...I'm falling into the trap again