Illusions

What does it matter what I do?

What does it matter if I bleed

The question is whether I understand you or not

whether I care for you or not

whether I can make you happy or not

Illusions, that what they are

Mere smoke and mirrors

Words as such used to express feelings

Which hide the monster within

But words are fickle

They can be twisted to suit one's purpose

After all lawyers do just that

And say that this is not what I meant

What I say and mean

Essentially is not one and the same

In this world and another

But as long as I have lived

What I say and what I mean is the same

and increasingly there is no space in this world

for the likes of us

The manipulators

The connivers the smart ones

The elves

The fair folk

who weave dreams

made of smoke and nothing

And you are thankful that you get that much

And you can't demand for more

Can't ask can't even try

Since the words will be used

And come back to you

Sharp as needles

Little pinpricks of pain

Till guilt and remorse eat you up

And what you have is just sheer emptiness

But such people live

and live better

The scared ones

Who will not take a loaf of bread,

since its against their self respect

For nothing that comes free has value

And borrowing is only a term for being weak

Better alone yet whole

Than damned and together

Hurt no one and keep faith

Trust and honesty

Edifices of humanity

And the apple eats its way

sooner or later

And eats away to the core

And the maggot raises its ugly head

And takes a bite out of you

Poisoned, burnt and damned

Ice cold yet hot

The fire of the cursed

Then comes healing

With acceptance

and strength

Of mind, of heart and of body

The pieces join back

And together is achieved

Yet flawed like a diamond

Madness like a broken mirror

Beautiful yet eerie

The madness of the sane

Th kind that speaks to you

While you speak to others

The kind that shakes you up

And makes you grin on the outside

But when you raise up

And shout back

The echoes dissapear

And the silence is back

Better than the lies

I welcome the silence

Since I trust it

It hurts, a pressing on my ears

But there is learning and truth

And acceptance

I embrace the silence

Since I can grow there

Like a rose in the dark