Bureaucracy

The fact that people tend to ignore you, since you are a junior says much about their personality and character type.

Also, the fact that since you are by nature a tactless and non diplomatic person, every word you say has to be weighed with a tiny tiny scale so that nothing appears rude or harsh or derogatory..hence emails are written taking thrice as much time and read and re read till every word is burnt in your memory.

It is a good practice in diplomatic speaking and writing and makes you aware of how stinkers should be sent..subtly worded. But the whole thing seems so pointless to me since all of it can be said equally nicely..directly. But then, people don't always see things in black and white like me

Chafing is the word i am looking for. This whole business chafes me and chokes me, since rules and too many of them make me feel claustrophobic. But then there is a certain stability in following rules and norms..a certain rootedness since you know that everyone is more or less going the same path as you are and the chances of going wrong lessen down..it is a like a dull color like a pista green or a greyish brown..stable and nondescript..but terribly dull.

I do understand that chaos cannot survive and organising helps you achieve better since timelines are only meant to test your survival and output skills and personallly i agree with timelines since a thing can't go on forever, there has to be a start and an end..and when people say i like to work in my own time, i mentally label them as losers since for me the challenge is to achieve the maximum and the best within that timeline..Indeed that i where the skill and magic lies..to achieve smthing within a limited space.not rushed but carefully executed, since it gives me the pleasure and relief of a job well done ..within time.

Perhaps that is the reason I don't like filmmaking, a process that goes on forever or is shelved halfway.not my cup of tea..since i need to move on to new challenges to work in..boredom and a sense of doing the same things for ages makes me mad and tests my sanity to the limit

But as of now, I have to achieve my goal by Wednesday and there is only one person in my way..and she will have to bend or break since i mean to do this