Healing,a process often involving a lot of introspection, sucking up the pain and numbing yourself. More like an insulating yourself against the shocks, withdrawal symptoms and the days that follow.
This process is usually done with two people...one the healer and the other is the recipient. But when self healing has to take place, it's usually the hardest. Hurting oneself to deliberately draw out the pain and leave a thtrobbing mass behind. Now that takes courage.
Sometimes things happen where we are so deeply caught up that takes a couple of days, even months before the momentum wears off. And you realise that the thing has come to pass. And it's over, no more. And gradually you heal, start filling up the cracks.
And then one fine day, one chance remark, one random thought worms it way and it all comes back. But the insulation is so strong this time, that it feels like it happened a long long time ago. To someone you knew, but don't really remember. It doesn't feel like it happened to you. Certainly not to you. And you realise that it's gone, flushed so many times out of your system that it's no longer registered. And you feel...Nothing.
We change, everyday with every moment. I find it hard to believe that I am no longer the person that I was last year,or the year before that. Now I need assurances and convictions, assumptions and excuses to be told that I exist.
The facade of an ego, put forth to save the deeper you. The one who feels too much, can be tiring. Day after day after day, to pretend to keep up the same charade....same mannerisms, same attitude. Breathe, breathe, breathe - And one day the fissures burst. And then the shit hits the fan. Truly.
Today has been an emotionally heavy day. Recalling painful memories, re-inviting the same callousness, rethinking the same issues. Everyone's day to tell what they want, since tommorow we may forget, or grow up or just be too scared.
Nora Roberts wrote - "I wonder how humans can survive with the weight of so many emotions pressing in on them, constantly". But we do, sometimes we buckle, sometimes we give in and sometimes we fight..But there's always a spare emotion or two to go around.
This process is usually done with two people...one the healer and the other is the recipient. But when self healing has to take place, it's usually the hardest. Hurting oneself to deliberately draw out the pain and leave a thtrobbing mass behind. Now that takes courage.
Sometimes things happen where we are so deeply caught up that takes a couple of days, even months before the momentum wears off. And you realise that the thing has come to pass. And it's over, no more. And gradually you heal, start filling up the cracks.
And then one fine day, one chance remark, one random thought worms it way and it all comes back. But the insulation is so strong this time, that it feels like it happened a long long time ago. To someone you knew, but don't really remember. It doesn't feel like it happened to you. Certainly not to you. And you realise that it's gone, flushed so many times out of your system that it's no longer registered. And you feel...Nothing.
We change, everyday with every moment. I find it hard to believe that I am no longer the person that I was last year,or the year before that. Now I need assurances and convictions, assumptions and excuses to be told that I exist.
The facade of an ego, put forth to save the deeper you. The one who feels too much, can be tiring. Day after day after day, to pretend to keep up the same charade....same mannerisms, same attitude. Breathe, breathe, breathe - And one day the fissures burst. And then the shit hits the fan. Truly.
Today has been an emotionally heavy day. Recalling painful memories, re-inviting the same callousness, rethinking the same issues. Everyone's day to tell what they want, since tommorow we may forget, or grow up or just be too scared.
Nora Roberts wrote - "I wonder how humans can survive with the weight of so many emotions pressing in on them, constantly". But we do, sometimes we buckle, sometimes we give in and sometimes we fight..But there's always a spare emotion or two to go around.
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