Itchy feet

A gap of two months. The voice in my head is pounding like never before. But the fingers that once itched to get to a keyboard have gone numb and laidback. 

Funny things happen to grown ups. Either our mental capacity for challenges reaches heights or reduces to the level of a kindergarten child. Insecurities become couched as opinions and people seem more like threats than just people. All here for some purpose.

Solitude is something that has become a choice.I always thought I was spoilt for choice at home. But when it comes to living alone from home even though home is only 3 hours away, it is difficult. Not things like food or comfort. Just people. Time seems to fly on hummingbird wings when I'm in Bombay. Suddenly it's time to go back.

For all my life, I never wanted to be mediocre or just plain exist. Like so many people...mill among the crowd. I always wondered, what does it take to be special? To be out there, known, proactive, full of energy. My philosophy is simple. Work day after day..push yourself to limits and then feel like you've crossed your own mountain of difficulty. Other people travel, take risks, do different things, and settle on something. No second hand recounting of where they've travelled or what all they've done in life. Just plain reminiscing. Yet they are somewhere...if not exactly there. I always thought there's time for all this later. But when is later? What is later? Not deep questions. Just questions. 

 

What if later is now? With all that I have to embark on new journeys, to recount stories of my own, to experience adventures first hand. Not something meant for "later"...but now. 

I've turned 24 and in the last 2 years I've met people of different types. All of them have had so many stories and experiences to share. And when I look back, I don't remember much of my own. Not that it's something  I regret. But lately a sneaking thought which is growing bigger in my head all the time is that I need to experiment more...maybe things will take care of themselves. Maybe the new and untested will have pitfalls but also will be fun. (If  by then my sense of humour does not give out completely) 

My point being...I always experiment in my head. Why do you ask? Because it's too much effort (read spending money) when it comes to doing things. 

I'm not making promises to myself that I can't keep. But maybe my vision needs to be broader. Lighten up. The "one day I want to do this/ I want to go there" list has to happen. Now.

Let me live a little, I say to myself

What harm can it be

I can always bring back the money

To spend it yet again on something

For what is it for, unless to spend

On one thing after the other

Let me live a little, I say to myself

Not because it's the norm

But because it's fun

Let me live a little, I have to yell 

Shout, jump, scream and dance

For nothing can be better than new discoveries

Small ones, big ones, nasty ones and pleasant ones

Shock treatments and cons, delights and miracles

Deja vu's of places and people passing by

Let me live a little, I have to shake myself

For the times that are waiting and waiting

For places untold and stories to unfold

Let me live a little, then a little more and more...

Till it becomes a habit.

PS - The post is not meant to be tragic.