Talk back

People have told me what not to write....Friends telling me not to write...But then if i don't how will i live? How will i move on if I cannot pen down what I'm feeling and if i don't how do i get it out? For i am emotionally challenged...how do you say things to people when all you can say is big deep words and poetical lines which look like they've been lifted out of a book...how do you say it when you know that when you face people eventually, you have your "matter-of-fact" tone in place and not an emotion out of place...all very straight, sharp and strong. Correct posture - check, hair tied - check, hands clasped - check, voice straight and even - check. Now you can talk. Action.

And why would people want to be burdened with you..with what you feel? Everyone has enough of their own already..besides you would feel like a child, defeated and whining if you say such things...and if they slip out you apologise...for being so weak and saying such things...so i write. because words can't talk back, because words don't need apologies and words don't judge or put me in slots....i can be who i am.

Courage and strength - I wonder if these 2 are synonymous? Can you have strength but not courage? or vice versa....and then people say i'm tired of being this...being that...everyone is tired..but like someone told me...we all act. At all times, in office, at parties, at home, in front of friends, lovers, policemen, in the train... it is lifelong. And like Saif says in Love Aaj Kal "Main defective piece hoon paaji, zyada der dukhi nahi reh sakta..sachmein..maine yeh notice kiya hain apne baare mein"..which is true ..people do go on living don't they? There is so much to see...every moment, so much to do, so much to plan (which never gets put into action, but the fun is in the planning) and so many instances of people all around who will if you just stop and stare...amaze you every time...like man in lokhandwala wearing cowboy boots (god knows why!) , the hot chick jogging along carter road (how i envy her), the hot guy jogging alongside her (I envy her even more!), the child who sneaks out and runs away from his parents to pet the roadside dog....the friend's fighting and sharing hot coffees, idling away time...

I feel like shrugging my shoulders everytime...I mean it isn't so bad...you take your choices, you do what you can and in the end you live...free will..you cannot ask what people do not want to give you...and you cannot help where people refuse to be helped..and beyond a point it is their journey alone...friends can only be there till a certain point..after which all they do is stand in line, waiting for you to come back or to catch you if you fall...the lucky ones escape with just an "I told you so...now let's go shopping and forget about all this"...the unlucky ones get the lectures of their lives...But all ends well. People don't die. However much you want to or you feel like, the will to live conquers all.

I remember what Nora Roberts wrote

“Broken hearts healed. Maybe the cracks were always there, like thin scars, but they healed. People lived and worked, laughed and ate, walked and talked with those cracks

For many, even the scars healed and they loved again.”