THE MONTH THAT WAS

The past 1 month has been scary, tiring, exhausting, challenging, mind fucking, travelling and many ings.

I'm glad it's come to and end, though the last week was fun with some of the best memories of my nephew and...elphinstone station which should be bombed...for not having exits.

Lessons were learnt, taught and reflected. Hearts were broken, heated words and civil exchanges, laughter and sadness, tears and rib tickling moments. I feel as though I've passed through the marshes of mordor and entered the land of the dark lord.

But now I can see the white tower and I can sense the trees growing..

It;s funny how much children can give you hope, and make you free, from everything. I feel that if Arin hadn't come, I would have died of misery and tension, every day. Being with him, talking, playing and taking care made me feel free in a way that I haven't felt in months. And I know that when he leaves tommorow, I shall miss him terribly. But then, I have the joy of a nephew and the convenience to visit him whenever..my own personal very much own stressbuster.

Office politics are a way of life..It's when you keep your head clear and your heart clean that you can look people in the eye and tell them actually what you think is the problem. No accusations, just suggestions. What you feel shouldn't be discussed, it gets perceived as opinions and opinions can make opinions.

Stress adds to your waistline..In my case I think it adds everywhere. Including my hair, which is steadily turning grey.

Numbness cannot, should not be perceived as lack of feeling. Sometimes, things take longer, and it's ok coz we can survive and live day after day.And when all is said and done..It's never right to blame one person..You can't force people. Free will.

Things don't work..sometimes temporarily, sometimes not at all. But that's ok, all we need to do is find a substitute for the things that don't work and be happy with that.

Imagination can go a lot into overdrive and imagine things which are at best a flash in the pan. Never depend on imagination, always verify it with a cross check from the brain. And don't watch too many chick flicks.

Everyone is serious these days, it's a way of life. Intense, sad and practical on the outside. Dying of drama inside. Sometimes I think the whole world is a reality show and the ones who win are the ones who are sad and mad and do crazy things..Just like Dolly Bindra in big boss. The ones who don't have much intensity get dropped out.

Tears come and go, prickling at the back. But mostly they're from tiredness not sadness. From frustration and not from pain. From self pity and not from courage. Not from character. It's best to shed these alone and be happy and yourself when you meet people. No one can take you that way.

I miss my friends..all of them. I have become strangely anti social in the last 2 months. Work even though it keeps me busy...really busy. I still do have time to do my thing. But I don't and I fear that I will lose out on all my friends if i behave like this and continue to be in hibernation. But I cant bring myself to call anyone up or do anything.

Family, house and domesticity. It's a providing game and no one who tells you thats it not enough knows what you're going through. So i'm giving myself some slack on that, since I know im trying to take it all in. As much as I can.

Career, and some serious introspections need to be done. I feel hesitant even writing about this, since I know that it will serve as a reminder for me to not push things under the carpet. But some new horizons that I have explored which I have liked. Lets see. What I need is focus and less of faffing and more of concentration and ambition.

All in all, I'm glad that the month is over. Especially last week. It's been one of my toughest journeys so far and I cannot imagine how I could get day after day with that cloud hanging over me. It still does..but i chose to overlook it, till i can blow it apart. And now my sister is interrupting me..so i cannot write in peace.

It's been a first since many months that I have immediately penned down any though that has come to my head.. and that too from my house, not my office. And that too in prose form. That means im happy. I write in poem when i'm sad...

I'm still restless in my mind about this post, I don't know where and when to end it, I still feel like rambling. But i know i will be disturbed.

Peace then. Till the next time.

Silence will stop and not resound

Not anymore. For I have arrived