Sitting with my nose pressed to the office window

It 6.06 in office right now and im sure as hell not liking being stuck up here when there's so much fun that can be done outside...I'm loving working inside..the ideation session jazzed me up...but the weather is so much fun..all dark and shivery and cold..with clouds blowing and the anticipation of rain and the bright smell of the earth along with the sharp smell of leaves and all other monsoony things

At times like this, i feel like a child who's been forced to give a test at school when all he wants to do is run out and play, but the emergency test is important and can in no way be avoided..im sure there will come a time when i'll be like..it's raining so much, i want it to stop...but right now, i feel like a wayward child who just wants to run away..and shout at the top of my lungs

I want to lean out of the train and experience the rain on my face and feel that little clutch in my heart when i see black clouds looming over and all the colors stand out so sharply in contrast..

At times like these, my favorite place is the Borivali Train yard..I see it from my train window and it is the most beautiful place...the tracks all go inside one rickety gate and there;s a small warehouse beyond...but the best part are the trees..huge and spreading the kinds you can make a treehouse in..the whole yard looks so remote and inviting like its just dying for me to explore it..

I haven't ever gone there, since it stands right outside the station...hence walking along the tracks is the only way to reach there..but its one of my hidden wishes to go there and walk along the paths...and the railway tracks

National park too is beautiful at this time...the entire place feels like something out of a Robert Frost poem..all deep and dark and lovely with hidden promises...I feel like taking my book and my backpack and just walking there the whole day, the regular sunday haunts with my parents have made my feet accustomed to the path...even though the facade has changed..

It's fun to stand on the small bridge and look at the fishes..and see the small pond stretch out on either side..and imagine myself 10 years back..scratched at the knee and elbow (always since i was a clumsy child who fell down everytime i came to national park..i would either fall or trip or get bitten).. the loveliest part of my day was walking around throwing pebbles in the pond which seemed like a river back then..walking with my cousins..more often than not, one of them would be walking a bit behind or ahead since we would have had fights ...walking along the path to the sand garden and playing there, pouring sand in everyone's back..waiting for that silly child to finish playing on the swing so that it would be your turn next...(I always hated that child..i wanted her to just jump off the swing so that i cud play)...and when it's your turn..your again pushed and bullied by your cousins since they want the swing...

I remember trying to climb a fallen tree and never could manage it..without embarrassing myself..i preferred walking quietly and looking around...or rather coz I wasnt too sporty a person to begin with...Vanilla ice cream candies and lots of homemade bhel eaten on newspapers with a little bit of everything that the parents had got...

And finally walking back home..swatting away flies and limping (in my case)...and sleep

I miss childhood..I miss curling up with a book on my huge broken bed in the inner room and listening to the increasing sound of thunder..I miss the slowly creeping darkness which makes me scrunch up tighter under my rug..and squint to read (since i still wouldnt switch on the light..the fantasy would go away)

I miss myself...as a child..and all the broken little things which made me happy..

Now I need flowers and reassurances and deadlines and ambitions

Now I need rememberance and confirmations and calls

Now I need to be told I matter , that I exist

While previously, I didn't mind..I was happy with me and all the things that I did

Regardless of anyone else