LOSING IT

It's been a long long time since i have lost control like the way i did that day...The whole "angry- shaking with fury - throwing things" anger.

I need a solution, a way out of this endless trap in which i have enslaved myself. One cage to live and die...and endlessly flutter in the hopes to fly - This is by far my best written lines.

I'm scared of what i will unleash, im scared of what will come out, since i dont know it myself..i'm scared of the implications of the breakdown and the baring of truth. Truth - A word. Just 5 letters and yet i have run away from it..and now when i can face it, since i have the courage to, i dont know if i have the courage to do what needs to be done after i let out the truth.

I feel the need to be free, literally free of this choking web of conflicts and emotions...where i am endlessly going deeper.Noone else is affected except me. The anger needs to go...only then will i be able to live without pain

Pain - I wonder whether that's what i knowingly seek? since it is easier and better ti be angry than to accept wat is and forgive.Anger helps to cloud your judgement.Anger helps to mask your conscience. Anger teaches you not to cry.And i wonder wether i like being in this state since it means that i have not yet lost touch completely and there might still be hope.Whatever it is...I know it's wrong, it's maddening and i might just end up becominng like those old ladies who only nag and who have a perpetualf frown between their eyes.

Sometimes's life's a bitch..And then you die.

I spoke to someone who help up a mirror to me today and his words were " u seem to revel in the fact that you're mean and u cause discomfort to other ppl", really harsh but true and it made me feel like a worm

A really tiny one..But i have done my good deed for the day..so i guess i kinda quit