FREEDOM...

Freedom..And when i least thought and expected it.

I had expected to be angry, to break things..or I had expected to be calm and detached..What I didn't expect was to still feel and break into a million pieces and that I could still break, that I could still feel enough to break.

What I didn't expect was tenderness and the absolute need and loss of control that followed. The total exposure of self..the vulnerability, when I didn't get any confirmation in return.

I refuse to beat myself up for saying and reacting the way I did. I'm sorry for what can never be and what I can control

I am happy that I can face myself now, and learn to live with myself and my follies and look them in the face and still laugh.

I am happy that I am not mad anymore, not sad anymore. I am happy that I could say everything...without feeling the loss of truth and the openness of vulnerability. Both which can have the power to hurt if taken wrongly. For each has power in its own right..but now that i've given it I can't take it back.

I don't trust anymore..Since I know, and while I like..I may never be that way again

I stood up and took a step back. I chose and I decided and hell if that makes me weak